If you really knew me...

Born in the summer Jamaica queens hospital premature, almost didn't make it , had to have blood transplant. i could of left this earth way to quickly, but god wouldn't let me go.. lived in Brooklyn New york, until, and incident had us relocate, living with 6 other cousins and my sister, i became strong .. having a uncle who decided to touch on us for his own satisfaction brought me back to reality, after a while i felt alone my brother and sisters same dad different mom there full black. born to a Puerto Rican women, and bajan man, I was different, never considered black because when my hair gets wet its curly, and long. so i cut it off to start over. I never could understand why the black girls, disliked me. high school i had associates but never best friends, i had one, who's been there all along, began understanding things for what they were really worth. fell in love with a amazing person, who opened my eyes to what life and love was really about... despite , that i wasn't complete. I Watched my parents tear each other apart from fighting daily, clearing out furniture from never having anything to eat to being homeless , there was only one, person who was there god. my parents separated and for awhile, i watched my mother, go into depression, and eventually she she got into cocaine.. there was a point in time where my mother, wouldn't come home for days, i was afraid to tell anyone this is what it was. i pretended it was her just going out in partying, it wasn't, she was deep into it , and i tried to be in denial, i had to go to crack house to get my mother, June ,17,2009 i sat there holding her body cold, she promised me no more, and i believed it... for awhile i had the same clothes , had to work at the bowling alley and local hooters that my uncle owned... so that me and my mother could eat.. 18 working and trying to make ends meet, it got hard, the one person i loved, and were off and on, my father hated me, my mother struggling to maintain, i almost lost it all.. i almost let it go..
i finally let, go and decided to, be me Dec 1. i met her, though she isn't what i expected , she's still a life lesson, being naive i fell in love with, what i thought was her, i got into the whole I AM GAY clubbing hang out with the lesbians, becoming something i wasn't, had me in a room full of women who, didn't know much about me but wanted to hurt me, bruised ribs, busted lip.. broken heart, no money phone gone, i rose...now i sit here In September trying to find my self, not tied down... trying to find me you can say I'm gay, im hypocrite , i have a smart mouth but don't judge me until you know me.